Today the question was posed of how to break the news to a client that the project is running behind schedule.
Here are some possibilities that came to mind that readers may wish to try for themselves next time a suitable opportunity presents itself:
For the sophisticated:
I’m excited to inform you that our developers have discovered a way to enhance the application through a process not entirely dissimilar to the ageing of a fine wine. With each additional 6 months, the application is able to mature in our exquisitely hand crafted software environment thereby ensuring its full rich flavours and textures will have the best chance to ripen and mature.
For the technical:
Within the field of software development there is the concept of alignment. Whether it be to the nearest bit, byte or word, alignment allows for best chance for optimal storage and retrieval of data. Our development team have discovered that alignment can also be beneficial in other areas of development.
For example, up until this point the project has been in an unaligned state with portions of the project being delivered at seemingly random days throughout the calendar year. With a small shift in the delivery dates to be aligned to the nearest half-year, we can easily align the project to it’s optimal timeline and thus delivery a better project.
For the spiritual:
It is with great excitement that I inform you of a recent vision that out esteemed development guru had during the course of his daily healing spirits with soda and an olive session. Through his extensive connection with the wider universe (at rates which the girls assure him are easily charged to his credit for only a small fee for each additional minute), he has discovered that your project is currently in the wrong season for successful completion. The current completion date is deep within the month of the angry beetroot which is practically the worst month for software development.
He suggests it will increase your wuju, kinkles and general glub nub area if you instead aim to complete your project in the month of cheerful artichoke.
Sidenote:
There was a complaint raised that no buzzword version was included.
To be honest, I’ve always found the wide spread popularity of such terminology just plain unnerving:
He gently touched base with her. She could feel his best of breed and was lost in a realm of blue sky thinking.
Pushing the envelope, the two facilitated a synergistic leveraging of where the rubber hit the road.
"Oh George! Your paradigm shift really champions my open door policy!"
Investing in the leverage of the platform, he began proactively drilling down on her deliverables.
"Oh Enda! You are best of breed and really bring out the best practices in me!"
The baton was passed and they bathed in the postmortem glow of their skills transfer.
